Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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