HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
