ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
