Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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