so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize