The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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