if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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