I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize