i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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