i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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