She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
