My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
