So gin and wine won't be happening again
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
