Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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