u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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