Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
