She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize