My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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