Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
