im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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