i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
