i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
