Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
