it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
