Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
