I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
