i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
