Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
