that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Randomize
