Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
