You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
