I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
