so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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