sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
