Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
