I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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