Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She said her name was "party"
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
