I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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