I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
