He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize