Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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