That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
