I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
