I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
