I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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