my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
