I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
