Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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