Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
