Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
