I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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