I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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