get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
