Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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