Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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