Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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