I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
