I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
