Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize