got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I love you. Go after that dick
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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