If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
