I wanna bring you to show and tell
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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