Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
too bad you live with your parents still
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
