Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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