we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
