apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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