well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
