I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
