hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
