She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
