Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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