Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
