I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
