It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
