Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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