I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
