I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
