I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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