how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
