you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Of course I have a pirate flag
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
