Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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