Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize