Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
