haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
