You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
