my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
