i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
