She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
