He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
