I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
