hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
